Report: Injury-Depleted Wizards to Sign Guard Mike Wilks

The injury-depleted Wizards are expected to sign guard Mike Wilks and have him in uniform for Wednesday’s game against the Bulls.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Basketball Coaching Plays shooting dribbling offense
Basketball

Pothead Super Bowl Prognostications

Let’s all light up and get ready for the final round of Pothead Prognostications.  Oh yeah, I know, almost every prediction I made has been completely wrong, but am I going stand here crying about it like David Hasselhoff listening to Taylor Hicks? No sir, not me. So here I am offering my really, really, really serious final round of Pothead Prognostications. Let me just pack up the bowl here and . . . (cough, cough) . . . without further ado here’s my predictions of how the game will unfold and who will take home the coveted Guy Lombardo trophy.

 

SUPER BOWL XLI

 The score was still tied 14 all as the teams retreated to their locker rooms and the Super Bowl Halftime Spectacular was about to get under way. The explosion of fireworks overhead shook Dolphin Stadium as Prince, who used be known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince but is now just Prince again, sashayed to the main stage and ripped into a smokin’ rendition of his classic tune “Kiss” as the throngs of fans roared in approval.

 Prince finished the song then announced a special guest was going to sing “Let’s Get Crazy” with him, when Justin Timberlake bounded to the stage and hugged Prince mightily. As the dainty duo twirled around dancing and singing to the delight of fans, disaster suddenly struck. In an incident that eerily resembled the infamous Janet Jackson “Nipplegate” fiasco of Super Bowl 38 in 2004, Timberlake grabbed Prince’s leather codpiece and gave it a yank, exposing his wiener for the world to see.

 Prince just kept going with the song oblivious to the fact that his schlong was flopping about to and fro, but Justin surely noticed it and stood there staring at it like a retard watching a Pokeman cartoon. Timberlake then dropped to his knees in front of Prince and went to grab his junk when a visibly drunk Britney Spears, who was closely followed by a visibly drunk Paris Hilton and a visibly drunk Lindsey Lohann, jumped on the stage yelling out “I always loved you Justin. Kevin was just a sperm donor. Please, take me back. Please!”  as tears streamed down her face. Timberlake looked at the polluted pop tart in disgust and rose to his feet then got right in her faced and screamed “You stupid sloppy hillbilly! Get the hell away from me! I told you a thousand times already, you were nothing but a beard! You and your slutbag friends should just go take a freakin’ hike!” Britney looked at him like a confused puppy and whimpered “You mean you don’t like me?” Justin threw his hands in the air. “Like you? Like you? Don’t you get it dumbass? You know why we never had sex while we were going out? It’s because I’m a fruit! I’m a homo! I’m like Lance Bass! I’m gay, dammit!”

 The dim bulb in Britney’s empty head flickered a bit as her eyes welled up with tears. “I knew I should of hooked up with Joey Fatone instead of you” she wailed as she ran from the stage. But her escape was derailed when she tripped over the bass players cord and hit the stage floor hard, banging her head and leaving her laying there unconscious with her skirt hiked up so her panty-less coochie was exposed on national TV. Justin quickly returned to the matter of Prince’s wiener. Prince was in the throngs of a blistering guitar solo and was still completely oblivious to the craziness unfolding on the stage but snapped out of it when Justin grabbed his rod. “What the hell are you doing?” the shocked Prince gasped. Justin just smiled and licked his lips, “I’m bringing the sexy back, you purple pansy.”

 As the wispy worm wrestler went to inhale Prince’s tool, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell ran onto the stage and kicked Timberlake in the head then stomped on it like the Tennessee Titans Albert Haynesworth. Goodell grabbed the microphone, “What the hell is wrong with you freakin’ MTV people? This is supposed to be family entertainment! Good, clean, fun family entertainment! Not some goddam immoral perverted sex show, you degenerate punks!”

 Suddenly comedian Michael Richards from “Seinfeld” flopped onto the stage and grabbed the mic from Goodell and began a racist rant, stating “It’s these freakin’ (insert N-Word here) and the jive-ass hip-hop garbage (insert N-Word here) music they listen too that are ruining society for all us decent people! And by decent I mean white people not (insert N-Word here)! Let’s send these stupid, spear chucking (insert N-Word here) back to Africa!”  As Prince, Goodell, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohann (who were still both visibly drunk) and 70,000 plus fans stared in disbelief, Kramer continued his hateful hatemongering comedy routine, but would quickly realize that ticking off two (insert N-Word here) hecklers in an all white comedy club is not as bad as ticking off a large amount of very large, professional NFL (insert N-Word here). Kramer was still spewing his racist rhetoric when he was surrounded by all the (insert N-Word here) who play for the Bears and Colts and pummeled for several moments until he resembled nothing more than the jelly stain on former Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev’s head.

 As the (insert N-Word here) players stomped repeatedly on Kramer, Prince noticed the still unconscious Britney Spears laying on the floor with her tookie hanging out and exclaimed “Damn, my pops told me never let a white broad go to waste.” And he hopped on top and began to hammer away at Britney’s dirty clam. Seeing this as another photo-op, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohann stumbled over and squealed in unison, “Hey, what about us?” as they plopped down next to Britney and hiked up their skirts to reveal their coochies. Prince’s eyes lit up, and he said “Wow, I haven’t had this much white poontang since the eighties!” and proceeded to bop all three bimbos.

 Pandemonium now encompassed the entire stadium as the (insert N-Word here) players from both teams kept stomping on the stain formerly known as Kramer, while Prince, who was now joined by Goodell, valiantly railed the visibly drunk, dirty clams of Britney, Paris and Lindsey and Prince’s back-up band kept on playing “1999”. Amidst all the shenanigans, the little girl from the HDTV commercials showed up on the stage with her pet elephant to tell the world about the mirrors, but she was inadvertently kicked in the stomach by the Bears Adewale Ogunleye as he and the other NFL (insert N-Word here) were still wilding on Kramer.

 The little girl hit the floor hard and began crying then yelled out “Ungowa” at the top of her lungs which caused her elephant to start rampaging throughout the stadium, pausing only to take a huge dump on the Super Bowl XLI logo at midfield. People were running wild through the stadium and complete chaos ensued. All of a sudden, a deranged fan ran onto the stage, grabbed the mike and yelled out “This sucks! We want cool rock and roll music like Dashboard Confessional and Ben Folds Five!” before he dashed off and began scattering his dead dog’s ashes across the field.

 Football players, coaches, referees, fans, singers, musicians, roadies, cheerleaders, cameramen, sideline reporters, marching band members and the elephant were all going wild, brawling with one another, cursing each other out and singing that stupid John Melloncamp “This Is My Country” song to the point of extreme annoyance. By this time, the Army Reserve, the Florida State Militia, the Metro Miami Riot Squad and several members of the Florida Panthers had arrived and surrounded the stadium hoping to restore order. But as they stormed into the stadium they were overcome by the combination of toxic fumes emanating from the dirty stink holes of the visibly drunk slutty trio of Britney, Paris and Lindsey.  The dizzy soldiers were soon overtaken by the kids participating in the halftime Punt, Pass & Kick competition and the Bears Tank Johnson who took their weapons and began firing potshots at hot dog vendors.

 President Bush was informed of the rapidly deteriorating situation that was unfolding at Super Bowl XLI. So he quickly hopped into action and jumped aboard US1 and flew away to the safety of his ranch in Texas to play golf. With Big Dick Cheney now in charge, he ordered the Navy to fire a Trident Missile from the nuclear submarine USS Coney Island Whitefish that was stationed off the coast of Cuba. His orders were to level the entire city of Miami once and for all. “There ain’t that many Americans there anyway, and the ones who are there are probably homos. Now fire that damn missile, sailor, and get rid of that craphole of a city for good!” he screamed on the Hot Phone.

 The Intercontinental Ballistic Missile blasted from the sub and ripped through the murky depths of the Atlantic before piercing the evening sky. Some fans who saw its launch on the big screen cheered thinking it was part of the show. But as it blew off its first stage and began its deadly descent to Earth, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer appeared on the big screen at the stadium and told everyone the news of their imminent death. The panic enveloping Dolphin Stadium came to a stand still as everyone realized what has happened and knew it would be over soon.

 All hope was now gone, when suddenly, the little HDTV girl pulled herself up off the floor of the stage and removed a small box she had tucked in her dress. The little HDTV girl opened up the box to reveal a super bright beam of light that reached to the moon with its luminosity. The fans “ooohed and aaahed” over the pretty light coming out of the small box as she grabbed the thick ankles of Britney, who was still knocked out, and dragged her to the middle of the stage and positioned Ms. Spears’ stanky slit just so.

 The nuclear warhead that was coming down to obliterate the Super Bowl crowd was seconds away from impact and destroying it’s intended target, when the little HDTV girl shined the light at the missile and guided it to land right in Britney’s crack where it was swallowed up and exploded harmlessly. Britney then woke up and said, “Oh dang, I must of gone and got myself pregnant again.” And she waddled off to find a place to take a dump. The place went wild with unbridled joy and everyone hugged each other and cried tears of relief. The little HDTV girl then smugly told the fans “You see? I told you jack-offs, it’s the mirrors.” She then jumped on her pet elephant’s back and rode off into the cool Miami night.

 Oh, and then the game resumed and the Colts beat the Bears 28 to 23. What a game!

 

4 Comments
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Basketball NBA Basketball workouts jump shot fundamentals
Basketball

Harrington, Warriors Rally Past Timberwolves

Al Harrington scored 25 points, including 14 in the decisive third quarter, and the Golden State Warriors ran past Minnesota 111-98 on Wednesday night.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Coach passing rebounding jumping higher 3 point shot
Basketball

Dalembert Paces 76ers Past Knicks

Samuel Dalembert scored 20 points, Lou Williams and Andre Iguodala each scored 15 and the Philadelphia 76ers snapped a three-game losing streak with a 101-90 win over the New York Knicks on Friday night.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: NBA Basketball Coach Practice jumping higher Offensive plays
Basketball

NBA All-Star Balloting Presented by T-Mobile First Returns Announced

Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics and LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers lead the Eastern Conference, while Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers and Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets lead Western Conference players after the first returns of 2
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: NBA Basketball Basketball Coaching Practice Offensive plays side out of bounds
Basketball

NBA.com Broadcaster of the Week: Jerry Schemmel

Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Coach passing rebounding jumping higher 3 point shot
Basketball

“Best of the Best” Series – Over 30 Team Rebounding Drills

Winning the battle of the boards will go a long way toward building a championship team. In this DVD from the Winning Hoops “Best-of-the-Best” series, you’ll get the very best rebounding drills from some of the top high school and college coaches from around the country. These practice-tested, hard-nosed team rebounding drills are thoroughly explained, easy to teach and will add some serious spice to your efforts toward improving your team’s rebounding. You’ll get highly effective drills such as the 3-man rebounding war, the weak-side rebounding drill, the triangle box-out, rebound-to-transition drill, the 7-point rebounding game, the “banger’ offensive-rebounding drill, the “rebounding pit,” the 1-on-1 rebounding challenge, the downscreen box-out drill, circle rebounding, 5-player rebounding drill, 4-on-3 rebounding, braveheart rebounding and much more!

76 minutes. 2007.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Drills passing point guard jumping higher vertical jump
Basketball

Howard’s Career-High 39 Points Lead Magic Past Sonics

Dwight Howard dunked, blocked and dominated Seattle’s undersized frontline for a career-high 39 points and 16 rebounds, and the Orlando Magic beat the SuperSonics 110-94 on Wednesday night for their NBA-best 14th win.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: NBA Basketball Coach Practice jumping higher Offensive plays
Basketball

Marbury Misses Practice, Not Expected to Play Friday

Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury was away from the team again Thursday, and coach Isiah Thomas wasn’t sure when he’d return.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Practice workouts passing basketball players 3 point shot
Basketball

Heat Sign Luke Jackson, Waive Hardaway

The Miami HEAT announced today that they have requested waivers on guard Penny Hardaway and signed free agent forward/guard Luke Jackson. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not disclosed.
Basketball Basquetbol 篮球, 篮球运动
Tags: Basketball NBA Basketball workouts jump shot fundamentals
Basketball